The Lip Smacking Truth

Dear Lip smacking Brother,
         I know we have gotten along all these years and we have had our differences but for the most part we are real pals now. But you still have not changed the one quirk that still sets me on edge. Your loud tendency to let everyone else in the vicinity that you are enjoying something delicious. Let it be finger licking, slurping, plate licking, open mouth crunches, or any other auditory sign that you are eating I just can't stand it. Now I understand that somethings are really tasty but show some decency to the rest of us around and keep it to your self. I mean we don't live in a barn and eat out of trough. We have civilized utensils and manners that do have a purpose in a house and should be used. More than once I have eaten my cereal in the living room while you are in the kitchen chomping down your own cereal to beat the band. This is not a big thing to ask, just keep your mouth closed and try not to be so vigorous in your eating. It would be much appreciated by many and plus, you need to learn some etiquette before you leave the house so start now.
Thanks,
Your big brother

Horrible Parking

I contain a numerous amount of "pet peeves" that absolutely drive me crazy. One of the top "pet peeves" that I have has to do with the awful phenomenon where incompetent people park their vehicles terribly. I hate when I go to drive my car and I come to find that someone has parked his or her car within inches of my own. I personally take extreme pride in my vehicle and I purposely park in the back of the parking lot to try to escape these people that are horrible at parking. 

Dear owner of the _______(color) _________(model of vehicle),

I assume that you went through the necessary training in order to fully operate a vehicle. I also assume that you have a driver’s license that states that you will drive safely and responsibly. However, I doubt your competence when I come out to where I parked my vehicle and see that you have parked within less than a foot of me. At first I attempt to squeeze through both of our vehicles, but unfortunately, I am forced to climb through my passenger's side door in order to get to the drivers seat. It pains me to see the mess that you have made. I have enough respect for other people's property that I consciously park my car in a manner that is not disrespectful for another. I hope you will take this letter into consideration and fix your lack of ability to properly park a vehicle. 

Sincerely,

A disconcerted driver.

The Purpose of Technology

The definition of technology according to dictionary.com is "a scientific or industrial process, invention, method..." These inventions, methods and processes are made to make life easier. Technology is a great benefit of living in this day and age. My pet peeve is when that technology, created to make my life easier, makes my life harder by not working.

I buy a computer to have internet access, I buy a video game console to play games, I buy a DVD player to reproduce sound, color and picture. When the technology around doesn't work the way it's supposed to, I get so angry.

Dear University Villa Air Conditioning,
          I'm so glad I have you. There's really nothing quite as nice as waking up to a freezing cold house and eating cereal with blue fingers. There's nothing like studying for 3 hours in your own living room and wearing a jacket and wooly hat. There's nothing like seeing that you, Mr U.V. Air Conditioning are showing me that you SHOULD be at 70 degrees, when you're really at 63 degrees. There's nothing better than turning on the heat just to watch the number of degrees go down.

          Mr U.V. Air Conditioning, I am a human and you are a machine. You are created to make my life easier. Please don't defeat your own purpose, making you useless. Technology that doesn't make my life easier is a waste....don't make me write you again...

          Seriously........
 -Tenet of Apartment 33

Laugh A Little

Sometimes you don’t know you have a pet peeve until it becomes present in your life.  This seems to be the pattern as most of the posts made thus far have referenced annoying brothers, sisters, or family members. My personal pet peeve did not develop until this year, and happens to consequence of a roommate.  It certainly isn’t typical and I’m sure it sounds weird to you, but you haven’t walked a mile in my shoes:  or, in this case, lived a few months with her.

My pet peeve is excessive laughing.  You wouldn’t think so if you knew me well.  I am very optimistic towards life and I love to laugh.  It’s a form of expression that beautifully portrays your inward emotions.  The problem arises when your ‘cackling’ is out of place, constant and loud.   Imagine someone in the library wearing headphones and instantly bursting with obnoxious laughter without being conscious of those trying to study around them.  You give them a dirty look; they don’t catch on.  Your efforts to remedy this or make a compromise come to no avail.  Closing the door and dampening the shrill laughs via paper-thin walls will never satisfy.

Sincerely,

I love you, but I feel I could love you more if we didn’t live together.

Cell Phone Crazy Customers

In high school, I worked in a clothing store.  It would annoy me to no end when people would talk on their cell phones when I was checking them out at the register.  These are the people who would hold up the line because they forgot something they wanted, or they weren't ready to pay.  They had to dig out their credit card, which was most likely lost somewhere in their purse.  It was so hard to communicate with these people and I often felt like they didn’t care about me.  Well, maybe they didn’t care about me, but at least they could have acted like they did.  

Dear cell phone crazy customer,

Please put down your phone for two seconds! I promise I will be fast, if you give me your undivided attention. If your phone call is so important, go finish it up and come back later.  You will be doing a service to me and all those waiting in line behind you.  Or, at least just tell the person on the phone to hold on for a sec. Either of these options will work fine, just choose one!  The less annoyance you are to me, the better. Thanks in advance!

Sincerely,

The annoyed cashier

Mormon Dating

Dear Every Girl on BYU Campus,

I understand that you have been taught and told since you were 16 years old that girls say yes when boys ask them on a date. This is truly a kind and thoughtful notion, especially because of the anxiety that every boy goes through when he asks a young lady on a date. This worked for high school, but unfortunately I would like to introduce you to the real world, where boys hate drama and miscommunication as much as you do. With that in mind I would like to make a small request that would make a huge difference:

Don't say yes to second dates if you don't like the guy.

Of course there's no reason to be rude or get upset about it. A clear, concise explanation that you're "just not interested" will surely suffice. I moment or two of awkwardness when he attempts to ask you on the second date will pay off in the long run. He'll recover after a week or two and move on to asking the next girl, and you're free to wait for that super cute boy in your Chemistry class to give you a call.

By all means, say yes if you like him. By doing this, you have given him a clear message that you are at least a little interested and you like spending time with him. I am not at all harping on second dates. I'm just trying to clear up the misconception that girls are required to say yes to every date. The current plan of action for girls who aren't interested seems to be as follows: say yes to every date he asks you on, while increasing the awkwardness as needed and avoiding him in every other situation (when possible). Rinse and repeat. Sooner or later he'll get the hint, right?

Wrong.

I write this post with the highest of hopes and the lowest of expectations; hopefully my words and hypothetical situations will shock the BYU dating pool into setting some ground rules and increasing its level of communication.

Sincerely,
One Significantly Bothered Boy

Buy Your Own Peanut Butter

Sharing a really great idea, but the idea of asking is even better. However, some people can't seem to wrap their minds around the concept of asking, and that's what bothers me. My biggest pet peeve is when people take my food without my permission.

 Dear people who compulsively to steal my food,

Stop it. I would greatly appreciate it if you would leave my food alone. I don't mind sharing, but you should at least ask me first. If I wanted you taking it without my permission, I wouldn't plaster my name on the package. Who do you think pays for that food?

Not only do you steal my food, but you don't even do it well. I hope you realize I know when my food is missing. I can see the jelly you left in my peanut butter (which is another pet peeve of mine). I noticed the entire sleeve of my saltines you ate. You're not getting away with it, so you might as well ask before using my food. Please get your kleptomania under control and leave my food alone. I respect your stuff, so you should respect mine.

Sincerely,

Leslie, a starving college student

You Know I Can See You, Right?

My Dearest Everyone-Who-Doesn’t-Wash-Their-Hands-After-Using-The-Bathroom,

            First of all, let me congratulate you on still being alive. I thought everyone knew about hand-washing since the discovery of the germ some 200 years ago, but obviously you never learned that lesson and have survived anyway. You are a miracle of both human health and stupidity.  Take that, natural selection.

            I suppose it is a mystery to you why this bothers me so. Allow me to explain, and please forgive me if my tone becomes slightly unkind.  

            Imagine a bathroom. Picture the tile floors, off-white walls, toilets, and those little white box things sticking out of the wall. Do you know what those are? They are called sinks, my dear nincompoop, and they are a significant part of the bathroom process. Except for you, who are apparently above such trivial things as hygiene, the sink is used to gently clean your hands after the unclean actions performed in the bathroom. I sincerely plead that next time you finish your bathroom business, you take a moment to try something new and wash your hands. Who knows? It might be fun and quite pleasant! I know you have never tried it before, but I promise you it will in no way harm you or decrease your stature as a man.

            In conclusion, please know that I feel no hatred for you personally. It is only your sickening habit that is indirectly responsible for 92% of the sickness and death in the world that slightly bothers me. I’m sure you are a lovely person. But I’m quite sure that we can never be friends. Forgive me if I refrain from shaking your hand.

            Regards,

                        Brian Perez

Not All These People Have Asthma

You want to know what gets under my skin more than anything?  Heavy Breathers.  I'm not talking about panting after a hard workout or after climbing a hill, I'm talking about those that always have to make sound when they breathe.  Those that sound like a leaf blower when all they're doing is napping on the couch.  Is it really that hard to breathe through your nose?  I hope it's not just me that notices this.  Whether I'm sitting in class taking a test or trying to sleep while camping with my family, I always notice it.  The annoyingly steady rhythm that is constantly noticed by my scrutinizing ears.  I can't concentrate on anything else as soon as I tune into it.

To my little sister:
  I know that you love spending time with me when I visit.  I also know that it is a subconscious thing.  But I cannot stand how you can't seem to close your mouth when you sleep and how the breath comes out sounding like a nerd with severe asthma.  You don't even have asthma!  Please close your mouth and breath through the nose that God gave you.  Thanks!

Taking Without Asking and Not Returning It

My biggest pet peeve is when people take my stuff and use it without asking or putting it back into its proper place! I’m totally fine when people ask to use my stuff beforehand, that way they show that they care whose property it is and that they’ll return it. For example, when brothers take my snowboarding gear or clothes randomly one day and I can’t find them when I am actually leaving out the door to go snowboarding! I much rather prefer that people ask me before they take my stuff, and in doing so I’ll gladly let them borrow it, whatever it may be.

                My brothers are the main ones in causing this annoyance, but it could be others such as friends or acquaintances. Although for the most part, it comes from the family. Basically it happens with the people you live with.

Dear Older Brother,

Andrew, did you know that there is something that you do all the time that I just can’t stand? I’m pretty sure I’ve hinted it to you, even told you bluntly not to do it anymore... but you still do it! Whenever I need my stuff, such as my snowboard or gloves, I just never am able to find them! I sometimes have to enter your room and scavenger hunt around to find my hidden and lost belongings. Could you please ask me before you take my stuff? I am more than willing to let you borrow whatever I own! I would like to know where my belongings are just in case if I need to use them in the near future. Thanks brother! Increase the peace.

-Jason

Utah Drivers

Okay, I know I might get in trouble for saying this because a lot of people in this class are from Utah, but I cannot stand Utah drivers. I've even spoken to a few Utah drivers who will willingly admit that they have some bad driving habits. I once asked a girl from Utah who admitted to being a less than safe driver why she drove so poorly and she told me that her dad had taught her to drive very defensively because that is the only way to get anywhere in Utah. If I could speak to that father or any other Utah driver right now, here is what I would say:
Dear Utah Driver,
Share the road, please! It is not a race, and speeding past me on snowy roads will only get you where you are going about a minute earlier than you would get there if you followed the rules! Oh, and please learn to be a little considerate...driving so close to my bumper is not going to get me to speed up. Also, when the light is yellow, it means stop unless you are already in the intersection. People waiting to turn left shouldn't be waiting until the light is red. I hope you have a great day, drive safely.
Shannon

Enough is Enough!

Enough is Enough!

My biggest pet peeve is people that eat loudly.  I understand that some food requires a minimum amount of slurping to enjoy (soup, spaghetti, etc.), but there comes a certain point where it is borderline offensive.  My little brother is the perfect example of this awful habit.  When he eats cereal his mouth is anything but closed.  I can’t even tell you how annoying that noise is to me.  It is more than a pet peeve; it is the bane of my existence.  I always remind him to not do it, and he will forget my comments within about 15 minutes.  Other people are usually not as bad about it in public (because they have some sort of common decency about them), but my little brother feels comfortable at home so he is willing to disregard manners.  This has developed into a pet peeve that is almost solely directed at the sound of my brother eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Dear Little Brother,

            I understand that this cereal is awesome, but it tastes just as great if your mouth is closed.  You will probably have a wife someday, and I only wish to save you from the horrible fate of her giving you this same conversation.  I’m telling you this because I love you:  Close your mouth when you eat, unless you are the only person within 50 feet of that horrible act. 

With love,

Your brother Matt

Prompt 4: Biggest Pet Peeve

What is your biggest pet peeve? Who is responsible for creating the annoyance?
Write a note to the perpetrator explaining to them why they should stop doing _______ (your pet peeve).
(The perpetrator could be one person or a group of people.)

Exit Wounds

In his latest action film, Exit Wounds, Steven Seagal plays Orin Boyd, a cop who disobeys orders to save the life of the American Vice President. As a result of his misunderstood intentions, Boyd gets transferred to the worst precinct in the area. Follow Boyd and his new partner, George Clark, through this action packed film, as they climb back up the law enforcement ranks, and tackle a difficult case involving drug theft and widespread police corruption. 

Barbie: Mermadia

Barbie: Mermadia is a truly spectacular movie that would captivate any audience. The sweet mermaid princess is blissfully happy in her underwater home when an evil witch upsets all balance. A diabolically magical substance is about to be released into the ocean and poison the princess's only home. She then embarks on a twisting journey to discover three magic pearls that will reverse the magic. The heart string wrenching movie will lead you on with the mermaid princess as she delves into her inner being to truly find out what she is made of. Best movie ever!
(P.S. -I have 3 younger sisters so don't judge!)

The Decoy Bride

Do you like Celebrities?  Do you like weddings?  Then this is the movie for you!  This comical romance brings love and laughter to the table as fate creates the most unlikely of situations.   When an American actress and a British author decide to make the vow of their lives on a small Scottish island, they may run into more trouble than they thought.  It's not only paparazzi they're running from in this wild tale of love, heartbreak, and then more love!  Don't miss a trip to Scotland in this year's best romantic comedy!

Starring:  Kelly McDonald, Alice Eve, and David Tennant

Breaking Dawn: Part 2

The birth of Renesmee and Bella’s new life as a vampire begin the last episode of the Twilight Saga.  Although Jacob has now imprinted on Bella’s daughter, everyone’s new life seems to be bliss until a bitter vampire sees the half-human, half-vampire child.  Irina immediately assumes it is an immortal child, a great crime in the vampire world, and runs to the Volturi. The Cullens must recruit all that will believe them and prepare for what will become the greatest battle of the century.

Breaking Dawn: Part 2 stars Kristin Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner in the hottest, most action-packed, fantasy romance of the year.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Based on the best-selling novel written by Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, captures perfectly the happy, sad and awkward moments that everyone experiences in high school. This is a touching story of a insecure freshman who is taken under the wings of two seniors who eventually change his life for the better by including him in their circle of friends. Everybody that has been through high school can easily relate to the situations and scenarios these kids experience, which is a main reason this movie is so likeable. Starring Emma Watson, Logan Lerman and Ezra Miller, this cast will keep you entertained through their antics and love triangles they humorously portray.  After watching this movie, you will be grateful for the friends who have helped you make it through life and be more willing to help those lonely souls who need friends.

Watching This Movie Will Be Enjoyable

Paul Blart: Mall Cop, movie trailer script

(Streetlights shine dully over an abandoned parking lot. The hour is late and the night is cold. A soft rumble breaks the chill silence as a car pulls into the lot. The driver {casted as Angelina Jolie}, a beautiful young woman, has her face shrouded by a pair of sunglasses and a scarf. The woman, with trembling hands, pulls out a cell phone and dials a number she has long since memorized)

Jolie: Sir…it’s back. I don’t know how…but it’s back. (pause) I understand, sir. Consider it done.

(The woman terminates the call, then leans her head back and closes her eyes tightly, trying to avoid doing what she knows must be done. She dials another memorized number.)

Jolie: Agent Blart. This is T. You have been activated.

(a short pause, then a deep voice responds.)

Blart: Affirmative.

(The short interaction has left the woman in the car shaking and in a cold sweat. She again ends her call and fumbles with her keys as she turns the ignition. As she idles out of the lot, something catches her eye. In a side mirror, the woman can see a small red light blinking. The woman frowns and is about to stop the car when the explosive device secured to the underside of the car detonates, destroying the car and its occupant in a fiery blast)

Cut to Blart {casted as Tom Cruise} sitting hunched at a table in a dimly lit room.

(voiceover by Morgan Freeman)

Freeman: One man.

(Cruise stands)

Freeman: On a mission.

{Cruise drains his glass of whiskey and straps a pistol to his hip}

Freeman: To save all that he loves.

{Cruise turns to face the camera as a stiff breeze ruffles his hair.}

Freeman: This summer. Do not miss this year’s must see thriller. Starring Tom Cruise*, Angelina Jolie*, and directed by James Cameron*….PAUL BLART: MALL COP.

(Fade out)

*Due to budget cuts, Mr. Cruise, Ms. Jolie, and Mr. Cameron will not be involved whatsoever in this film.

**This commercial is a complete fabrication. None of the scenes described in this trailer will appear in the actual film. I apologize for the deception. Absolutely nothing else would convince an individual to watch this atrocious movie. 

The Twilight Saga

How many shirtless werewolves is too many shirtless werewolves? That is not even a question. The epic story that is The Twilight Saga is filled with passion, romance, and eternal love. The conflict between werewolves and vampires, life and death, temporary and everlasting love, is exhilarating and breathtaking. Viewers will be wholeheartedly absorbed into this stimulating and intense story. Not only is this film astonishingly entertaining, it also contains realistic and rational application to ones own life. Critics and analysts alike have given nothing but praise to this movie. Along with Hollywood's top actors, the videography and cinematography is fused to create one of the greatest films of our times, The Twilight Saga.

THOR

An attractive actor spends about 2 hours on screen shirtless. After being a devious and rebellious son on his planet, a human-looking alien/god named Thor is exiled to earth. He wears a cape and bears a hammer and has a completely convincing love with the first human girl he meets. A future member of The Avengers, Thor begins his adventures on earth in this breath-taking film.

Cloverfield

Directed by Matt Reeves and written by Drew Goddard, we present Cloverfield. It’s the first of its kind, a movie unlike any other! As a monster invasion hits earth beginning in the heart of New York City, leading actor Mike Vogel takes us on a journey through the city with his hand held camera. A mix between action and suspense, this movie will keep you on the edge of your seat! See first-hand New York City as Jason and his band of friends stealthily move about the city, trying to document this historic attack from above!